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We all know at least one person who considers themselves a hardcore Floridian-- you know, the type that will defend DeSantis' honor by flying a "make America Florida" flag from their decked-out lifted truck and tell every vacationer "don't move here, we're full"--you know, the same ones that keep alligators as pets, bathe in ocean water and have orange juice coursing through their veins--and if we don't know someone like that then that means we must be the hardcore Floridian, right? Okay maybe we exaggerated a little, but without a doubt the only way to be certain is by going through this list of perfect Christmas gifts ideas for Floridians.
PS. Our science suggests if you find yourself buying more than two things on this list for yourself, you might just be the hardcore Floridian.
1. Robert the Doll Rum
What's more "Florida" than haunted doll rum? If you aren't familiar with the story of Robert the Doll, you would probably say that a lot of things are more "Florida" than this, but for those who know the legend of the state's most haunted doll, there's no question about it: this blood-red spirit brewed right here in Key West, also the home of Robert the Doll, is nothing short of a must-have for any true Floridian. Want to invite these spirits into your home this holiday season? Check out where to grab a bottle here.
2. Florida Man Apparel
The man, the myth, the legend. Turn anyone into an original "Florida Man" with this line of alligator-taming apparel. We like to believe that Steve Irwin would be proud. Order the perfect shirt here.
3. Appropriately Censored Mug
Don't show this mug to people with generations-deep roots in Florida as it will most likely spark a debate--but for anyone who has recently made the move in hopes of spending every day living like an "Island Boy" in sunny FLA--this is the gift that will keep on giving with every cup'o'joe they indulge in the morning while they lovingly gaze outside wishing they could enjoy the nice weather without being eaten alive my mosquitos and no-see-ums. Thankfully, the mug is in stock and it's available to be ordered right here. You can also get the uncensored version here.
If you don't already have enough tension to endure during family gatherings, why not stir the pot a little more over who should own the Dali Museum? Complete with Florida-centric movers, this Florida-Opoly game promises hours of (fun?) with everything you love--and hate--about the original Monopoly game, just updated to include the best prospects of Florida! Order yours here (and be sure to hide the palm tree mover for your own personal use).
5. Discount Tickets to Gator Park
Sure, you could see alligators in almost any fresh body of water in Florida--but it's way more fun to enjoy their company at Wild Florida Gator Park near Orlando. Admission for one is currently $22 and includes a gator feed and lunch--or make it a date for two for $40. Check out all the details and secure your discounted tickets here.
6. "Make America Florida" Shirt
I said it so I had to include it, this "Make America Florida" shirt is everything any true patriotic Floridian would want and need--and it's only $18.69! Whether you get it because you need it or as a gag gift to your outspoken republican uncle that ruins Thanksgiving every year with talks of politics--who would undoubtably love this shirt--we won't judge. After all, we love Florida too and think the world needs more sunshine and orange juice. Anyways, you can snag this absolute Floridian treasure here.
7. Margarita Cutting Board
Your alcoholic-in-denial aunt Becky needs this so she can post a photo of it with the caption "HA HA. SO True!!" on her Facebook where all of her 26 also alcoholic-in-denial friends can like it. Enough said. Don't let this deal slip through the unsalted sidewalk cracks, order it here.
8. Obligatory "I'd Rather Be In Florida" Mug
Who said you need to live in Florida to be a Floridian at heart? Not us! In a gentle but effective manner, this mug will remind even the worst of your enemies how great they could have it if they were lucky enough to live in Florida. Grab it here!
9. Fresh Canned Florida Air
Don't laugh. This "Florida canned air" is more than just a gag gift--it's a testament to your thoughtfulness and effort to bring Florida straight to anyone's doorstep this holiday season. Get some canned air, complete with nutrition facts, right here!
10. Taste of Florida Giftbox
Rum cake and plantain chips and coffee, oh my! Everything included in this medley of delights is made fresh in Florida and shipping is free! See what's included and order yours here. Oh, and it's only fair that you pick out what you want first and give what you don't to everyone else.